When I first heard about conscious motherhood, it felt like yet another term that I had to live up to as a woman. We all know that there are ridiculously high expectations of woman to perform at a level that isn’t even humanly possible, like the term super-mom. I don’t want to be super-mom; I just want to be me?! Sound familiar?
Then I started to really dive into the research of conscious parenting and the synergies with consciousness, mindfulness and self-regulation. I started to understand that the term is something totally different. It’s not a way for mothers to be, but rather a remembrance of who they are. To remember that they have a powerful gift of intuition that connects them deeply with their child.
In ancient civilizations and tribes, mothers were cared for by the village through pregnancy and postpartum. Allowing her to become aware of her intuition and flow from a place rather than feel forced to do things.
Somewhere along the way, motherhood became filled with rules.
The right way to feed your child.
The right way to sleep-train.
The right way to discipline.
The right amount of screen time.
The right activities.
The right words to say when your child has a meltdown.
Conscious motherhood is not about being perfect or adding anything to the list of things that mothers are already struggling to keep up with, it’s about putting that list down and understanding who you really are.
It’s about knowing that you are not broken or need to be fixed, but whole and already have all the resources to be the best mother for your child. It’s about knowing that your awareness and a few small steps to adjusting your energy makes all the difference.
We obsess so much over all the things we must do as mothers – feed, clean, discipline, sleep-train, socialize…but if we are doing all those things in a dysregulated state, none of that is really helping anyone in the family – most importantly it’s not helping you. Instead, it’s draining you and you feel stuck.
Conscious motherhood asks to pause and really become aware of what you are feeling. What your energy and state of being is and what you want to do about it. It doesn’t require long hours of breathing or meditation, it’s simply a moment to bring awareness.
Research also shows that energy is felt and transferred. Therefore, the energy mothers carry is so integral to her family. Kids can naturally pick up on a mother’s energy and mirror it. A dysregulated mom creates a sense of danger for the child and causes them to give the same energy back. This could look like tantrums, misbehaving, being difficult, not eating or sleeping.
Moreover, research also shows that energy can shift entire structures of things. A Japanese scientist, Masaru Emoto, did a study of the power of words and the energy it leaves on water. Through his experiments, he found that human consciousness and spoken or written words can alter the molecular structure of water. When words of love were spoken, the images of ice were beautiful crystals with symmetrical shapes, while words of negativity or hate caused disorganized shapes.
Why is this important? Well as mothers, our inner critic is relentless. The constant chatter of inadequacy or even guilt, doubt or blame we put on ourselves can cause density in our energy. This can create a state of dysregulation and feeling stuck and lost. That’s why it’s so important to love yourself as a mother first and moreover, bring awareness to that that inner critic.
Why Conscious Motherhood Means Awareness Over Perfection
To me, conscious motherhood begins with awareness.
Awareness of your child.
Awareness of your emotions.
Awareness of your patterns.
Awareness of the stories you carry.
Awareness of what motherhood is asking you to see within yourself.
It is the willingness to pause and ask:
“What is happening here?”
Not just, “How do I stop this behavior?”
Sometimes your child’s tantrum isn’t simply a tantrum.
Sometimes it is an invitation to notice your own nervous system.
Maybe you’re exhausted.
Maybe you’re overstimulated.
Maybe your child’s crying is triggering a fear that you’re doing something wrong.
Maybe their resistance reminds you of how little control you had growing up.
Conscious motherhood is not about perfection at all. In fact, it proves that there is no such thing as perfection. We are all perfect in our own imperfect ways. We mother in our own ways as well. There is no judgement. Simply awareness. Awareness of your state of being and what you will do with it.
This awareness is powerful because it allows grace and compassion. It’s not about blame or feeling shameful. It’s about knowing we are all human and have a multitude of emotions and it’s okay. It’s also our choice to pause, breathe and bring safety back into our bodies so that we can act from a calm state rather than an agitated state.
Perfection on the other hand pushes us to be less aware. It forces us to control and create standards that are not flexible. Conscious motherhood is about flow and surrender, where you are allowing yourself to be aware rather than control every scenario.
This takes off a huge burden and can feel liberating. Let’s explore some techniques that help with regulating the nervous system and acting from a calmer state.
Simple Breathing Techniques to Calm and Reset in Conscious Motherhood
In pregnancy, we all learn breathing techniques that will help with birth. Soon after the baby is born, we sort of forget the power of our breath. Our breath is our natural signal to our state of being. The quality of breath will change instantly we feel dysregulated or just slightly off.
Our breath is also the most powerful tool to return to regulation and feel calmer. It also is our reminder of the present moment – we can never breath in the past or future only in the present and when you can become present with your breath, you return to the present. Your mind can pause a bit from the overwhelm, overstimulation and the noise and have a moment to be in stillness.
Here are some simple techniques that will help when you are feeling dysregulated. You don’t need to practice for long period of times. 1-5 minutes is enough to allow the system to pause and rewire. The more consistent you are with the practice, the more the body will learn to become still. Consistency over total duration is the way you want to think. So how often can I practice vs how long should I practice.
Technique 1: Box Breathing
The most underrated breathing technique ever. This is a simple breathing technique that will ease anxiety and stress and allow your nervous system to reset. It instantly works.
Sit in a comfortable position and start inhaling into your belly for the count of 4 breaths. Hold/Pasue for 4 breaths. Exhale for 4 breaths. Pause for 4 breaths. That is one round.
Do this for about 10-12 rounds or 60-90 seconds. If you are able to breath longer, try it for 5-10 minutes.
Technique 2: 3-5-7 Breath
When you exhale longer than you inhale it ignites the parasympathetic nervous system – this tells your body you are not in danger and can enter a calm state. It is regulating your body. This breath is really good for those moments when you need a complete reset. Maybe after a meltdown or argument. It allows a point of release and reset.
Breath in the belly for a count of 3 breaths, hold the breath for a count of 5, exhale for the count of 7. This is one round. Practice this for 10-12 rounds or 2-5 minutes.
Embracing the Messy, Magical Journey of Conscious Motherhood
Conscious motherhood is about learning who you are as a mother. Its empowering and liberating. It’s fun and exciting, yet messy. It’s about embracing all of what is motherhood with grace and compassion. Deeply loving yourself and your family without feeling the heaviness and burden. It’s letting go of the things that are causing stress and embracing what brings joy.
The more you are able to pour positivity into your own life, the more you will find it all around you.